Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sext me about skeletons
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
