We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
