my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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