my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If I die, sorry about rent.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
