You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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