He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
