You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
