I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
