i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
