I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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