he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
