You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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