This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
