lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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