P.S. I can't hear my feet
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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