make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
