That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the room spins SO much faster in panama
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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