i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
