sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
