Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
