There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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