God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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