did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
