how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
