I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
