i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
well you can't waste a boner
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
