First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
