I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
