I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
