You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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