How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Everyone says I win the strip club
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
