I need help removing her.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
