I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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