I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
