hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
