A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
