Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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