My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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