Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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