The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
