I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
