your room smells of hookers.
And success
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
