I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
