You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
