Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
