There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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