chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
