At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
