I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
