I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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