just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
