I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
